


Fancy

by misura



Category: Stardust (2007)
Genre: Crossdressing, Dressing Room Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21747094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Captain Shakespeare goes shopping.
Relationships: Captain Shakespeare/Shakespeare's First Mate
Comments: 4
Kudos: 66
Collections: Yuletide Madness 2019





	Fancy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [libraralien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/libraralien/gifts).



_This is not going to end well._ Sounded more like the beginning of a bad joke than the stuff romance was made of, really: two pirates walk into the finest dressmaker's shop in all of Stormhold.

One of them vanishes into the dressing room and one stays behind to get stared at by the other customers and be offered tea in cups that look like they're made from starlight.

"What're you looking at, eh? Never seen a pirate before?"

 _This is not going to end well_ at all. Still, after that whole business with Septimus, they'd agreed one of them needed to tag along at all times to keep an eye on the Captain, just in case, and, well, what was a First Mate for if not to keep an eye on the Captain at all times?

It was what his father would have wanted. Good old Captain Ghostmaker - though looking at the size of the captain's closet, a fellow had to wonder, didn't he, if maybe - well.

"Would sir perhaps care for a cup of tea?"

"Got any rum?" A drink to settle his nerves some: that would be dandy. Or good. Or better yet, damned good. A drink sounded damned good. Now that was proper pirate speech, that was.

The shop assistant wandered off again, rude as you please. Of course, it wouldn't do to embarrass the captain by making a scene. This place was special, and it wasn't him who was going to ruin it.

Still, the longer he had to sit here, the bigger the odds of something bad happening - and besides, how'd he even know anything bad wasn't happening right now? Things had been awfully quiet in that dressing room for a long while, and how much time could it take, really, to try on a couple of dresses?

"Everything all right in there, Captain?" That sounded a bit soft, so he added an, "Aaarrr?" and rattled his sabre a bit. "Want me to get in and do a bit of keel-hauling?"

Someone seemed to reply, but the volume wasn't exactly pirate-like.

He considered asking the captain to please speak up, only tough pirates didn't have the word 'please' in their vocabulary, so that was right out and anyway, all this waiting around had made him kind of antsy.

"Captain?" Short and sweet, that was the ticket. He also stepped into the dressing room: nothing the captain had that he hadn't seen before, after all. Pirates didn't need privacy. "Are you - oh."

"Oh?" The captain was wearing a dress. Not a new sight, by any stretch of the imagination, only there were dresses and then there were _dresses_ , and what the captain was wearing right now definitely fell into the second category. Indecent, was what it was, except that for a pirate, indecency ought to be perfectly decent and this wasn't. "Is it time for tea already?"

"Aarrr?" he managed, which only made the captain look a bit concerned and then come right at him, still wearing that - that -

"Oh," said the captain, as his breeches failed to conceal certain emotions, feelings - _impulses_ , that was the right word. Sheer, decent lust. Nothing wrong with wanting a wench to warm your cockles. "Oh," repeated the captain, starting to look speculative, like he was getting some wenching notions of his own, which was - _bad_ , he tried to think.

Fancy shop, dressing room - didn't take a pirate to see this wasn't a proper place for a bit of wenching.

"You like it?" The captain stepped back and grabbed a fan from somewhere, acting like he was a girl in one of those shows he and the other guys'd never been to, because they were for soft, fancy folks who cried when the girl sang a sad song all about how no-one had ever loved her and now this jerk had gone and it was all very sad and upsetting and making them glad they'd brought their handkerchiefs.

"Don't matter if I do, does it? Only important thing is whether or not you like it, Captain."

"You like it." The captain looked right smug and pleased with himself. Any moment now, he'd start singing, and then they'd really get into trouble. "You do."

Three dressmaker's assistants were hovering around, looking at one another uncertainly. They'd never keep the secret if it came out their customer was none other than the fearsome Captain Shakespeare. Something needed to be done right now, only with the captain so close and looking as he did, it was hard to think of a proper plan.

Burning down the store might work, but it'd probably get the captain all upset, and they couldn't be having that, really they couldn't. Still, what else was he to do?

"Leave us," the captain said, using his captain's voice. "Now!" and oh, yeah, that could work, too, he supposed: just sneak out of the back all quiet-like and hope nobody'd add two and two together.

He was about to compliment the captain on keeping a cool head and maybe apologize for cutting short the fun in a manly, pirate-y fashion, only then the captain had him pressed up against one of them tables, hands and lace and other soft things everywhere, making it clear neither of them was going anywhere any time soon, and, well, proper pirates didn't worry too much about might-haves and maybes.

"I'm definitely buying this dress," the captain told him in between plundering his mouth and adjusting his clothes for easier access. "I'm definitely, definitely buying this dress."

"Yes, Captain," he said, because pirates didn't go down on their knees and begged their captain to please, pretty please not make it a hobby to drive them absolutely insane.


End file.
